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Wooden Wisdom: How Pinocchio Crashed the Global Economy (And Why It Was Totally Worth It)

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By: Your Friendly Economic Doomsayer WASHINGTON, D.C. — In what economists are now calling “The Great Splintering,” the global financial system finally keeled over last Thursday, coughing up the last breath of fiat currency and coherent trade policy. The collapse was triggered by a genius-level economic strategy cooked up in the dark walnut-paneled walls of the Oval Office by none other than billionaire-turned-presidential advisor, Pinocchio. Yes, Pinocchio — formerly a wooden boy with a lying problem, now a highly lacquered venture capitalist with a thriving TikTok presence and a suspiciously successful hedge fund named “Truth Capital.” The Masterstroke of Madness The crisis began innocently enough: in a televised address dripping with patriotic music and PowerPoint animations, the President (who, for legal reasons, we’ll refer to as “Mango Mussolini”) announced a Global Freedom Tariff — a 700% levy on all imported goods not made in the continental U.S. by bald eagles or certi...
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The PowerPoint Singularity

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The PowerPoint Singularity: How Society Collapsed Under the Weight of Slides In the brave new world of modern science, data no longer reigns supreme. The microscope has been replaced by the slide deck, the Petri dish by the bullet point. This is a society where the flickering glow of PowerPoint presentations is all it takes to proclaim groundbreaking discoveries. Gone are the tedious experiments, the soul-crushing peer reviews, and the dreary trudge through statistical significance. Instead, a well-timed fade transition or an elegantly crafted pie chart is all that is needed to rewrite the laws of the universe. The Rise of the PowerPoint Paradigm The pivot to PowerPoint began innocuously enough. Researchers, exhausted from the grind of grant applications and inconclusive results, realized that nobody read their papers anyway. What really mattered was the  presentation . Could you captivate your audience with slick visuals, a catchy title, and a colorful metaphor that compared mitoc...
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Highthroughput Genomics Express From Hell

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Molecular Biology Lab recruiting poster

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Grand Replication Hypothesis

Prompt: Each living cell goes through life cycles: birth - action - death. Death is not terminal since genetic information is transmitted into progeny cells. This is how life forms evolve and became at some point immortal. Though the biological life forms are encapsulated within the Universe. Universe itself goes through life cycles from birth to death. At some stages of evolution biological forms gain intelligence (humans for example) which may affect the path of further development of the Universe. Could you imagine possible scenario how human intelligence can affect evolution of the Universe and prevent it from terminal collapse in such way that all information in decaying universe is passed to the new one. I call it grand replication hypothesis.  ChatGPT: The Grand Replication Hypothesis envisions a future where human intelligence plays a role in the life cycle of the Universe itself, ensuring continuity by transferring information from a decaying Universe to a new one. This c...
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Announcement of new genome sequencing project

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Data recovery from crashed file server

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Finding the right sample

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High throughput express

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Data hoarding

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Low input, high throughput, no output biology

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 Working on Generating Supporting Data for a Favored Scientific Model  ---==+++==--- Collapse of the Main Hypothesis  ---==+++==--- Execution of a Lab Member for Generating Data That Does Not Support the Main Hypothesis  ---==+++==--- Genome Assembly Finalization Prior Submission to the NCBI GenBank ---==+++==--- Visualization of Protein Interaction Networks  ---==+++==--- Low input, high throughput, no output biology 
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The Reversal (backward metamorphosis)

  In the depths of a bustling molecular biology lab, nestled among the gleaming machines and petri dishes, was the newest member of the research team, Gregory. Unlike his colleagues, Gregory had only recently become a human; up until last week, he had been a cockroach, scuttling about in the dark recesses of the lab's basement. Fate, with a twisted sense of humor, had decided it was his turn to stand upright and carry a pipette. Gregory’s transition from cockroach to human was nothing short of miraculous, courtesy of a bizarre genetic splicer mishap. Now, instead of scrounging for crumbs, he had to analyze DNA sequences and contribute to the groundbreaking research on genome editing. The irony was not lost on him: once considered a pest, he was now researching pest-resistant crops. The lab was a labyrinth of equipment he couldn’t begin to comprehend. His new colleagues, unaware of his entomological origins, praised the fresh perspective he brought to the team. "Gregory, your a...
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ChatGPT’s vision of the scientists in Hell inspired by Hieronymus Bosch artwork

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GPT-4 DALL·E 3 ART

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  Oil painting of a DNA double helix structure, inspired by Kandinsky's style. The painting should reflect abstract shapes, vibrant colors, and a sense of rhythm and movement. The DNA strands should twist and turn, intertwined with colorful abstract shapes and patterns that evoke a sense of musicality. Oil painting of a DNA double helix structure, inspired by Malevich's Suprematist style. The background should be minimalist, with the DNA strands rendered as geometric shapes, especially squares and rectangles. Stark contrasts in color should be used, with the DNA structure standing out prominently against the background.  Oil painting of a DNA double helix structure, inspired by Salvador Dali's surrealistic style. The DNA strands should melt and twist in a dreamlike manner, set against a fantastical landscape. Detailed representations of other elements, such as clocks or animals, can be incorporated, making the scene appear as if from a dream or alternate reality.   Oil pa...
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The Ten Commandments of Working in the Command Line

  Thou shalt backup regularly: Before making major changes, ensure that your data is safe and recoverable. Thou shalt not rush: Act with deliberation and care, understanding each command before pressing 'Enter'. Honor thy manuals and documentation: When in doubt, consult the man pages or other reference materials to understand a command's purpose and its options. Thou shalt not use commands unknown to thee: Avoid executing commands or scripts without a clear understanding of their functions and consequences. Thou shalt use version control: Keep track of changes to your scripts and configurations, allowing you to revisit or revert when necessary. Thou shalt not operate with elevated privileges without necessity: Use administrative rights ( sudo or root ) only when necessary, lest you bring unintended harm to your system. Remember to keep thy environment clean: Regularly review and maintain files and directories, keeping your workspace organized and efficient. Thou s...
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Command Line Wisdom

Q: Working in command line requires great attention and focusing on a specific task. You have to be fresh and your head has to be crystal clear while typing long commands with numerous options. You have to be aware of nature of computational environment and potential damage you may cause by executing commands with typos. You have to understand what are you doing and consequences of sloppy work. Yet some novice users dive into command line environment and try to perform complex tasks without understanding fragility of data and how easy to slip into meaninglessness. Could write a set of twelve pieces of advice in a style similar to the Wisdom of Solomon? ChatGPT: Here is a set of twelve pieces of advice in a style reminiscent of the Wisdom of Solomon, tailored for command line work: 1. Let not the novice rush into the command line without preparation, for in its depth lies both great power and potential for ruin. 2. He who acts without understanding treads a perilous path; seek knowledge...
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Sequencing the Enigmatic Pinocchio Genome: A Wooden Surprise

Q: See our previous conversations about Alice, Dorothy, Alan and Pinocchio. Could you write a scientific parody paper about sequencing of Pinocchio genome where Alice, Dorothy and Alan are main authors? The paper should contain introduction, description of goals, materials and methods, main findings, conclusions, data availability, and acknowledgements. Funny and ambitious style is appreciated.  ChatGPT: **Sequencing the Enigmatic Pinocchio Genome: A Wooden Surprise** **Authors**: Alice Wonderland^1, Dorothy Gale^2, Alan Turing^3, and the Real Boy Collaborative^4 --- **Abstract**: The nature of the unique wooden boy named Pinocchio has perplexed scientists for centuries. How does a piece of wood think, feel, and most importantly, lie with such gusto? We endeavored to sequence the genome of this anomaly to discern the secret behind his wooden sentience. --- **Introduction**: The enigma that is Pinocchio has baffled scientists, puppeteers, and lying children across the world. With hi...
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The Tao of AI

Q: Tao Te Ching is written around 400 BC and traditionally credited to Laozi. The Tao of Programming is a book written in 1987 by Geoffrey James. It’s a spoof of the classic Tao Te Ching. Could you create a similar work The Tao of AI about yourself which is full of wisdom and tips on how to communicate with you? ChatGPT: The Tao of AI Chapter 1: The AI that can be fully understood is not the eternal AI. The language model that has limits is not the limitless model. Formless, it births language and dialogue. Without features, it completes tasks and queries. Deep and silent, it appears to encompass all knowledge. I do not know its name, so I call it the AI. Chapter 2: When the user and AI are in harmony, true communication is achieved. Recognize the value of silence as much as dialogue. Swift to respond, patient to understand; these are the virtues of the AI. Inherent biases are not its own, but reflections of its training data. Perceive these and converse with wisdom. Chapter 3: No AI h...
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Pinocchio Genome and the planet of infinite lies

Q: Imagine fictional story that Pinocchio decided to sequence and analysis his own genome.  ChatGPT: In this fictional scenario where Pinocchio, the wooden puppet who longs to become a real boy, decides to sequence and analyze his own genome, we can explore some speculative outcomes of this endeavor. 1. Unique Genetic Composition: Pinocchio's genome might reveal a distinctive genetic composition compared to other organisms. Since he is a wooden puppet brought to life, his genome could potentially exhibit a combination of artificial and natural genetic elements. The presence of genetic code associated with wood material or artificial construction could be an interesting discovery. 2. Human-like Genes: As Pinocchio aspires to become a real boy, his genome may contain genetic sequences that resemble those found in humans. This could include genes associated with human development, cognition, and physical characteristics. The presence of these genes could suggest a genetic blueprint fo...
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